Disclaimer: I wrote this in 2010, back when I was still into Glee(RIP to Cory Montieth.) I was exploring my beliefs and I still think that my own spiritual pratfalls are very relevant. I now loosely define myself as an agnostic, but I feel that this can still help someone on their way(if someone actually listens lol)
“I don’t believe in God.”
The words kinda hit you in the face, don’t they?
Yes, the eternal question of religion. From atheism to finding the shape of Jesus Christ on a grilled cheese sandwich and aptly naming it “Grilled Cheesus,” America and the world as a whole have questioned this part of daily life. The previous is from a current episode of the Fox Musical-dramedy Glee, also named the aforementioned goofy word combination. This episode diverts from its normal fun fest of musical numbers and horny teens to go deeper and explore the characters spirituality and they didn’t disappoint. You see, they live in a world of universal acceptance, where they respect each other’s personal beliefs. Where even the two atheists non-beliefs were respected as “to each his own.” Where else will see this universal belief. Being raised in the south, it almost seemed like the sole mention of non belief in God almost led to sheer bedlam and the flinging of holy water. It seems like that has given way to more religious browbeating.
Let me be clear, I am NOT an atheist. Honestly, that would be easier than what I have endured for quite a while. My relationship with religion is long and difficult. I was raised Catholic: First Communion, Confirmation, Rosaries, candles, novenas(I could go on, but this blog is long enough.) At the tender age of 13, while preparing for my Confirmation, I knew I didn’t want to be a Catholic anymore. To admonish the class for not going to church, my religion teacher told us the story of the crucifixion of Jesus. Now I’ve heard the story of Jesus’ death before, but NEVER like the way she had told it and never that way again. Her story was dark, graphic and gruesome. She told it explicit detail, clanging two rusty railroad spikes together to symbolize Jesus being nailed to the cross. She ended the story telling us that every time that we didn’t go to church, we jammed the nails deeper into Jesus. Needless to say, she scared the bejeezus out of the class and I never saw the Catholic church the same again. Shortly after, my family got involved in what I now believe was a cult. Though Christian and almost Baptist in tone(Catching the Holy Ghost, Bible study, etc,) as time went on, the “Elders” got more controlling and wanted to know every bit of our lives, tried to persuade us to sell our house and move closer to the church, and wanted us to cut off anyone and anything that was of “the world.” Meaning no music that wasn’t sung at the church, no friends that weren’t saved, and no contact with family that wasn’t saved, stating that contact with them would endanger your very soul. We stayed in the church for a little over 2 years and one day we stopped going. I didn’t ask why we stopped, I hated every minute of it. I believe my parents stopped and took a look at what was really going on.
Shortly after Katrina, I began to explore other religions, Buddhism, Judaism, I even researched Wicca (though that movie The Craft gets a few things right, it is nothing like you would think, it’s a worship of nature.) Finally tired, I just stopped. I stopped looking for a label and looked to my relationship with God. I remember the talks I’d have with him as a kid, the comforting thought that no matter where I’d go, I would never be truly alone. And I knew.
Fast forward to the present day. If you were to ask me what is my religion, you really couldn’t get a one word answer. I believe in God in the Christian sense, but I don’t believe in religion. According to wikipedia, that makes me a cross between a Theist, a Christian, and a Deist. I learned that what I believe cannot be singularly labeled. I still have my talks with God. I ask him for understanding for not only myself but for so many others.
At the end of the episode, the cast joined to sing Joan Osboure’s One of Us. The song touched me in that moment. I ended up getting the full song and while listening it moved me to tears at the sheer beauty of the concept and performance. Even now, while writing this blog, I am listening to the song and getting a little teary. Earlier I posted a tweet quoting the song “What if God was one of us?” I believe he is. A little bit of God is in each of us. His unconditional love, His understanding, His forgiveness. My beliefs are based on the fact that there is God in us all.
“What if God was one of us?”
He was. He is. He always will be…
Thanx 4 lettin me vent,
Lawrence J. Weber, Jr
No comments:
Post a Comment